Friday, October 29, 2010

Whats in a title, would not a post by any name still be a post?

Sighs. What a day. Honestly I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to make little ones outfit. I guess I just wasn't betting on this being her worst week for temperament of her entire life because she is bored of it here. I can't blame the darling, wanting to learn and wanting constant stimulation of conversation and being tired of her toys. I was the same way but I had siblings to terrorize while she only has me to test things out on. Thankfully I did have help from my wonderful church, I had too have ladies come over twice to take her off my hands for a couple of hours but due to her fits of being around new people I still only managed a few items. I will prevail!!! I have spent too much time for my quest to be in vain!!!!! I just have to attached the wings and finish the decorations (and get my car fixed and keep up with her all before tomorrow at four pm.....).
Today has left me thinking about religon. I went out to help some friends teach someone they met who is atheist but wanted to know about religon (for curiosities sake not because he had a spark of belief). I found it quite refreshing to be around a person who was honestly seeking to know about the beliefs of others. I am just so glad that I have a firm belief myself and have already taken the time to learn of other religions and come to a sound understanding and belief in my own. I find religion facisnating. Theology is especially one of my favorite subjects. Lucky me I have a friend in school to become a pastor and he keeps recommending books, can't wait to read them. I haven't read a good book in so long (can't be satisified by the popular titles as they aren't deep enough for me). Maybe one of these days I will finish unpacking and will have the time and money to get my hands on some good literature and be able to read during nap time. Sadly by the time we are done moving and have extra money she will probably have already grown out of her naps. Ah well, one of these days.
I had a really interesting dream the other night thinking of religion. In my dream it was next year and the earth quake that signals the opening of the seventh seal in the Book of Revelations (the one that shakes the entire earth where it reals too and fro like a drunken man) had happened. In the dream I am closing this stain glass cover and pressing start and looking out at the rolls of earth with debre in the crevess. I was working as a mortician. I had found someone to apprentice under part time and he had taught me everything, and so I was well versed in embalming and burial. I was in his mortuary running a machine he had built that washed and dried the body for you. I had the knowledge in the dream that I was working somewhere not far from my inlaws but close to where my parents where and I was burying the bodies. I went out and spoke with a group of survivors that had banded near by (there where not many survivors - like maybe a few hundred in the area that had held tens of thousands). They thought I was stupid for wasting my time trying to id the bodies and burying them, I said that the way we treat our dead says allot about a people and left. They where talking about trying to find another survivors colony further south and where hoping there would be more food and someone who knew how to live off the land. I suggested we just live off of the land here, and they just laughed at me. I generally seemed to regard them as childish, scared, and in such mourning over there loved ones that they wanted to move on. I went back with the intent to dig another shallow grave and deposit the body with what market I could - namley where outside I found them and when and a general discription of features. Most of the people that died where burried in the rekage. I was just burrying those that had tried to get outside and didn't make it. I was perfectly happy with my post and life. I didn't miss society and didn't lose my child, husband, or dog. The basement of my inlaws had survived in part and us in it. We had enough food from what we could pull out of the desemated houses around us and otherwise find strewn in the debree. Aaron was at home playing with Ellowyn and I was cleaning up the landscape of the bodies so as to have a healthy place to live. Most of the houses where buried in the rolls of earth, and I would be done with the bodies before long. I had it in my mind to go to the library which hadn't been buried and find some books about living off of the land and while I figured it out head over the major shopping center a few miles away and find what might be left of the grocery stores and eat whatever I found. After this contemplation while preparing the body I went and spoke with my brothers and asked about dinner the night before - which was the first night after the quake. They where grinning about the meat they had found and living it Davy Crockett style, and promised to teach me how to skin and cook a animal so I could enjoy hunting what was left for supplemental food. We where talking about figuring out a way to get a refrigorator running or otherwise preserving the meat through the summer. We figured our state was pretty good to live in because we had four seasons which would help with the farming and all, wouldn't want to live in a desert with no way to get ice but then again we also thought maybe it would be better to move a bit further south just so the winter wasn't so severe, but winter was so far away we weren't going to worry about that - especially with the shelter I had that was easily completable and easy to insulate and keep warm with a fire. We laughed about just throwing the leftover meat outside since there are no predetors in the area. People thought we where nuts for being so ok with everything, but we figured you couldn't change what happened, couldn't change that we had survived, believe in a life after death for all the ones who hadn't made it, and the warning was right in the bible. They gave me a rifle and I started to head home looking at the mortuary and grateful for the man who taught me the skill before the tragedy took his life. It was so vivid and real. When I woke up to a complete basement and Aaron off to work it took me back a little. I hadn't thought about the earthquake in awhile. I used to be scared to death as a kid of it because my Dad thought that we where somewhere between the sixth and seventh seal, in the 30year gap that ge saw as not accounted for in the scriptures (before Christ and after death - nothing to account for the life inbetween), and figured that it could come at anytime. The older I got the more I realized it didn't matter and eventually all but forgot about it. What a weird dream. Between that and the tsunami in Indonesia it really made me realize how insignificant so many things are in the long run. Really makes you think about whats most important. In my opinion what is most important is: being comfortable with yourself and set in your beliefs, living a good life, enjoying your time in this life, and loving your children as much as possible to make every day of theirs blessed. Short and simple.
For anyone who reads this my request is that you structure your life so that if you where to die tomorrow you would have no serious regrets about how you lived it.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

noooo! it won't let me post anything more then a title today!

The post that was written yesterday and posted today

I am actually pretty relieved that the few people I've invited to read my blog haven't, and so I'm still all to myself here in my cozy little blog able to speak as I please as its still just between me and well me.  So me, today was a beautiful day.  There was a lot of wind as result of yesterdays storms and that made the fall leaves even more magical for the little one which was nice.

Another day.  Although I am not employed and another day doesn't equal another dollar I have finally come to accept the fact today that I am ok with that as long as my little beauty is little and in my constant care.  I love being a Mom, but mostly because she is so amazing.  Worth every sleepless night and all the pain I have suffered.  Its not her fault that its so painful, and she is so amazingly patient with my faults and hard days.  She always cuddles it better, like she knows that I need it. I think she is perfect and I have decided that I might actually consider having another child once she is old enough to be in school and have most of her life be not needing me - probably in about 5 years.  I want another little miracle but I won't do it at the expense of my current miracle.  I feel strongly that every child should get the most attention, love and care possible and that Mother's with limitations like mine should embrace them and just enjoy the time they have with the offspring they are blessed with.  At least that's what I keep telling myself :)  Its not easy sometimes being so in love with being a Mom and so unable to have another child without costing the child you have dearly.

In answer to my post the other day, I have decided for now to pursue a Funeral Sciences degree.  I say for now because last couple of times I picked a degree to pursue I almost died shortly there after in very painful ways, and the aftermath of dying and pain normally does tend to change ones path a bit now doesn't it, at least it does mine.  On the upside I found that it is a associates degree I can pursue completely online except for a couple weeks on campus for restorative arts and embalming and also having to find a funeral director to teach me said skills before I go take said labs and vouch for teaching me before I get into the course, fun.  Here's hopen I don't almost die this time and can actually pursue a degree of higher education that would lead to actually being able to pursue my bachlors degree and also having a career I can do part time (I wouldn't own a funeral home rather my hope would be to contract to them to do the embalming and restoration and or work very part at a funeral home).  Enough about that though, just time to sit back and see if it all works out.

Sorry for missing yesterday, bad weather mixed with rambuncious child and throw in a migrain and you've got a hard day and that was my yesterday.  Don't think I am blaming it on the child, the migrain is actually a part of my body being broken, poor dear I'm just thankful she is so patient and loving.  Really I could not have asked for a better child, though one day with my health proplems resulting from said almost dying and my normally active 1 year old would cause anyone to question there sanity :)  Any takers?  A day in my shoes?  haha, no I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  Which is why I wish that all the stupid people would have left me alone so that I wouldn't have the problems that I have.  Though, without some stupid people life would be much less amusing - seriously the things they say and do.  I guess this would be a great time to make a confession:

I am peopleist.  Peopleist = against stupid people.  I am not rasist in any faction as one could see by the people I have considered to be my closest friends when there paths walked through my life, I am peopleist.  Not that I am one who is against society, or organized religon, or any of the other things that you hear people say who are either stupid or starting to become anti-stupid but don't know how to express it - I am just against the stupid that make those things bad.  My thoughts have been on this more and more as I watch the stupidest people running for office. The fact that these special people can run for office just makes me even more grateful for the freedoms we have in this country, and flabbergasted that they can say that stuff without having any idea how stupid they sound and are.  Seriously people!!! sighs.  They just don't get that we can't blame our problems on any one group or people because every group and people has allot of wonderful wonderful people and I have had dear friends and acquaintances from most every major group out there, and through my life path have decided that the one universal thing that I am against is the stupid people as they cause allot of problems.  Not that stupid people mean to cause problems, they are just well stupid.

Despite my despising stupid people  I think that life is very beautiful and am very grateful to live in a country where people are free to show there stupidity and intellegence alike and that we do not hide behind a wall saying that we are perfect, rather we embrace our imperfections and allow people to take or leave what they want from the resulting lessons.   I just can't wait for politic season to end :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

A day of many thoughts

Two contemplations have filled my thoughts today.  Oddly enough both have fit into similar categories and yet are far reachingly different.  The first: if my desires to kill my inlaws ugly boston terrior is ethical or not and if it is ethical how bad would it be moraly.  The next, wether or not I should go into Funeral Sciences for my asscociates degree.  Luckily for the boston, I am leaning towards the fact that it would be wrong to leave rat poisening in the basement and it being her fault if she gets down there since she isn't allowed to be.  Hopefully she becomes less stupid over time.  She is a sweet dog don't get me wrong, just stupid, very very stupid.  And, if you think about it if being stupid was a crime punishable by letting their actions kill themselves and helping the m along the way a vast part of our population would not exist at this time.  So, ugly gets to terrorize another day.
As for my next subject my career has been occupying my thoughts allot with my husband unable to find work and my being sick of being stuck in said basement of in-laws.  I had a offer for a sales job in which I would make 75K a year plus, but I would have to work 60hrs a week away from my daughter and she is too cute for that.  Which is the problem with my career in general, sales requires allot of hours away from home or else you don't make enough to consider it a career, more of just a dead end job at Best Buy - which totally isn't worth spending time on in the prime of ones life in my opinion unless its part time to get through school trade or otherwise.  I am heavily leaning towards going and becoming a funeral director, it would provide a place where I could own my own business, be compassionate, not have terrible hours away from home as I would have my choice of who I hire, and its pretty recession proof.  Dead bodies don't bother me so we are good there, and I see it as a act of service to help families as they celebrate there loved ones life.  Hmmmm.  So, much to think about.  My main apprehension is what if I don't get a internship for the embalming and can't complete my degree, or what if I can't get a job in the area I end up and can't use my degree and have to go back to school and take extra semesters to get the courses I would need for my new field.  Decisions decisions decisions.  Which to make?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Beginning

I have finally given in and created a blog.  Oddly enough people have asked me to write a book or start a blog for awhile and yet I don't expect anyone to read the blog, so maybe I will have to write a book.  I don't like the name blog, so I shall call it my account.  I have no specific title or subject.  This will come purely from my brain and what is occupying its attention late at night or during nap time.  The simple truth is that there is no telling what will occupy this space, and so I invite any who enter to join with me on this endeavor.  Sit back, put up your feet, and join me for a moment in my thoughts.