Starting Friday I will start a brave new adventure - going without a cell phone for the first time since I was 18 (when I started working and could pay for one), pretty intense I know. I will have a phone on me that will call 911 so I figure I am pretty set. People are shocked when they here, even older people. Its really been a testimate to how easily technology becomes "nessesary" when really it isn't. I had to laugh at a 50yr old today when she asked "how can you go without a cell phone" and I was like "I don't know probably the same way you did when you where my age", lol. I mean seriously with a cute baby like mine I have very little trouble (as I have proven many times) finding a nice old person and asking if they knew where the pay phone is so I can call my husband, they always say there isn't one nearby and hand me there cell while they talk to my toddler. Problem solved in my mind. I am actually looking forward to it, to proving that it can be done. It was my choice to do this, I was like hmmm... $50 a month more to pay down our credit card and be able to get some clothes and toys for myself and the baby, or a cell phone no one ever calls me on - clothes. See very simple, clothes that you need or a cell phone you can do without. No brainer really. Besides I hate being on a contract, locked in on the grid collectors calling me for the medical bills from the accident. Having a cell phone creates this sense of responsibilty I've found, feeling like I have to check for calls, call my husband to let him know when I'll be home (even though he could care less because I am never out for long while he is home), having to txt friends to keep in touch, having to call someone if I get lost instead of figuring it out. All the while I have this black box strapped to my side emitting radio waves that mess with my concentration. I am a nature person by nature and I find it hard to concentrate with a cell phone. I had my phone die on me a few times this week and I found when it was off it was like a relief, I could exercise my ability to feel nature better and meditate while concious easier. I wonder what it would have been like if all the car rides I spent talking to my friend I would have spent thinking and called while I was making dinner or cleaning instead. How much more would I have been able to exercise my mind and soul? Would my perceptions be clearer?
I think so, but I will let you know. Cell phone turns off Saturday.
Other then that I had a kick butt dream the other night, well several but I only have time to speak of one. I was at High School (I never went myself), and was dressed well had several friends when my Mom showed up (not my real Mom) who was very worldly - dressed to the nines hanging on some guy - and gave me a gorgeous gown to wear. We all go outside to find this famous rock star setting up to play (think Aerosmith but young), I walk right up to the lead singer who is shuffling papers and find song names on them. So, I help him pick the songs and he is flattered by my compliments and intrigued by the feelings I describe having while listening and images that come to my head (Caribbean dreams was one). My friends are in awe, my best friend, my best guy friend, my brother in law (which I knew as my future brother in law in the dream but in actuality is my brother in law in life), and my Mom all come up and start talking to us. Then all of a sudden my brother in law says "oh my gawd this is the best dream ever!!!" We all laugh and are like "yeah best dream ever", then we all high five him - put our hands in a pile and pull them upward saying "best dream ever", and then the dream ended. I told my MIL and husband, they laughed and husband will tell brother in law - I wonder what he will say. Lol, like seriously there are many times when I have had dreams like that with people in them that I know in life and then the person I know points out its a dream and then I come to a realization it is. I have often wondered if by some fluke there sub-conscious joined on the same wave length as mine and if they had the same kind of dream. I guess I should have asked, but I haven't. I doubt it with brother in law, like seriously he is 18.
Time is up. I would just like to end by saying - I love you Teom. :)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Long time no write. No dear blog I wasn't ignoring you, or giving up on you. I was simply losing my battle to stay awake long enough to write, and Ellowyn decided to cut her nap time to too short to let me sneak onto the computer. Tonight I prevailed!! Yay for victory. Today was actually a pretty good day all in all. I spend most of it out of the inlaws, and scored some amazing deals at a children's re-sale shop I hadn't been too. Amidst that, the dumb PT Cruiser continuing to break down (I have had to repair that car more times then any other car I have owned or driven consistently and they where all about 10yrs plus older then the PT), and my dear husband having fully swinged to the other side of the personality spectrum, well I should say besides these things and amidst them I have had a relatively normal week.
So, whats on my mind tonight? Kettering University and the effects that it has on its students. Seriously I think that there should be social experiments done at that school just so there can be a greater good that comes out of it besides a degree one could have achieved elsewhere. I want to know who does their ad campaigns so I can hire them whenever I have a place that I want to succeed that by all reason shouldn't. I mean seriously! The fact that they #1 are in the second most dangerous city in the United States #2 offer little on campus housing #3 no interscholastic college sports teams #4 limited degree and class options #5 freakin expensive #6 in crappy (literally look like poop coated crumbling from waste buildings) looking campus buildings #7 have students get mugged regularly because they stray from said buildings #8 their credits do not transfer anywhere so your stuck or lose everything you've paid for #9 has way bad reviews on rate your professor, as well as off campus housing sites #10 the graduates are reported having a hard time finding work because no one recognizes the school name (from what they said at a graduate luau) - this my top 10 list makes me wonder that they are still in business and get enough new students coming in too stay in business. I mean the location should be enough alone for students to not what to spend 5 years there getting a degree, but the anomalies that all these facts create in the students interactions and psychology are amazing. I think this just goes to show that Aaron is a amazing guy because the fact that I was still attracted to him despite having to drive to Flint to date him. Not to say that Flint is a horrible town, or can't recover, the problem with Flint is that its a small town and proportionally tiny compared to the other most dangerous cities which means that unlike Detroit there is no staying away from the questionable parts easily. When I went to the courthouse for the first time it was to file a dba so I could do LiveOps (a work from home opportunity) the officer working the metal detector asked what I was doing in a place like this, I explained and he looked at me and asked if I realized where I was, and I was like "yeah Flint" and he said "I feel bad for you ma'am, (looked at what I was wearing - a white Columbia sports wear coat jeans and sneakers) good luck surviving this town, I hope you do" I asked, do you mean good luck not dying or having something happen to me, he just nodded. Wow I thought, welcome to Flint, home of Kettering University, what a awesome introduction to this town. I am grateful to report that due to my diligent guardian angle (I had a few scary incidents) and my street smarts I did just fine during the short stay in city and quickly moved out and stopped going back, not even to visit Aaron at school or bring food. So, I ask, why in the hell do people still sign up to go to that school, and if cigarettes cause cancer and they have graphic warning labels, and even coffee cups have to tell you what could happen - why oh why don't schools like Kettering have to have the same? It could say "A place that thinks like you think - warning you may get mugged if you stray off campus or go outside after a certain hour - warning students do sometimes commit suicide here - warning you will suffer vandalism at some point although most likely small if you are smart. Apply today!"
Sighs. Little one is growing more darling each day. She said a new word tonight. I find it funny because here we have been coaxing her to say different things and yet out of the blue she says in response to Grandma's "night night later" (what she says every night) with "later". Lol, so true. She has been such a busy body.
Sorry dear blog it looks like I have to cut you short today, its already late enough and the darling doesn't sleep well yet.
So, whats on my mind tonight? Kettering University and the effects that it has on its students. Seriously I think that there should be social experiments done at that school just so there can be a greater good that comes out of it besides a degree one could have achieved elsewhere. I want to know who does their ad campaigns so I can hire them whenever I have a place that I want to succeed that by all reason shouldn't. I mean seriously! The fact that they #1 are in the second most dangerous city in the United States #2 offer little on campus housing #3 no interscholastic college sports teams #4 limited degree and class options #5 freakin expensive #6 in crappy (literally look like poop coated crumbling from waste buildings) looking campus buildings #7 have students get mugged regularly because they stray from said buildings #8 their credits do not transfer anywhere so your stuck or lose everything you've paid for #9 has way bad reviews on rate your professor, as well as off campus housing sites #10 the graduates are reported having a hard time finding work because no one recognizes the school name (from what they said at a graduate luau) - this my top 10 list makes me wonder that they are still in business and get enough new students coming in too stay in business. I mean the location should be enough alone for students to not what to spend 5 years there getting a degree, but the anomalies that all these facts create in the students interactions and psychology are amazing. I think this just goes to show that Aaron is a amazing guy because the fact that I was still attracted to him despite having to drive to Flint to date him. Not to say that Flint is a horrible town, or can't recover, the problem with Flint is that its a small town and proportionally tiny compared to the other most dangerous cities which means that unlike Detroit there is no staying away from the questionable parts easily. When I went to the courthouse for the first time it was to file a dba so I could do LiveOps (a work from home opportunity) the officer working the metal detector asked what I was doing in a place like this, I explained and he looked at me and asked if I realized where I was, and I was like "yeah Flint" and he said "I feel bad for you ma'am, (looked at what I was wearing - a white Columbia sports wear coat jeans and sneakers) good luck surviving this town, I hope you do" I asked, do you mean good luck not dying or having something happen to me, he just nodded. Wow I thought, welcome to Flint, home of Kettering University, what a awesome introduction to this town. I am grateful to report that due to my diligent guardian angle (I had a few scary incidents) and my street smarts I did just fine during the short stay in city and quickly moved out and stopped going back, not even to visit Aaron at school or bring food. So, I ask, why in the hell do people still sign up to go to that school, and if cigarettes cause cancer and they have graphic warning labels, and even coffee cups have to tell you what could happen - why oh why don't schools like Kettering have to have the same? It could say "A place that thinks like you think - warning you may get mugged if you stray off campus or go outside after a certain hour - warning students do sometimes commit suicide here - warning you will suffer vandalism at some point although most likely small if you are smart. Apply today!"
Sighs. Little one is growing more darling each day. She said a new word tonight. I find it funny because here we have been coaxing her to say different things and yet out of the blue she says in response to Grandma's "night night later" (what she says every night) with "later". Lol, so true. She has been such a busy body.
Sorry dear blog it looks like I have to cut you short today, its already late enough and the darling doesn't sleep well yet.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Little one kept me up all last night. I was reminded today that one can be so tired it hurts. I haven't been this tired consistently since I was a Flight Attendant and I gave that up because I thought it was bad for my health, I guess I got into the wrong replacement profession lol. Then again as a Flight Attendant my days didn't consist of chasing the cutest thing in the world around the house and occasionally getting to do fun things like drawing with side walk chalk in the garage while it rains. To my surprise my father in law didn't care when he came home and found stuff like "your the cutest girl in the world" written right where he parks his car. I didn't mean to do it, I was just writing things to show her what they said and that came out and then I realized where I put it.
No progress on what I am going to do job wise. I feel I can't make one until I know what Aaron's schedule is going to be or what he is going to do for work or school, as I won't put Ellowyn in daycare and have her just get used to it only to have to move because he decided too. I would if I could count on family to sit for us, but I don't feel I can as I have been late too work too many times in the past using family to baby sit. So, I sit. Its kinda funny how life works, normally the decisions I stress about end up being made for me as in this one. I tried to get Aaron to think about what he wants to do, but he is working full time this week and then comes home and tries to work on his thesis . I get sick hearing my Mother in law talk to the baby about Christmas and how exciting it will be to have Ellowyn living here around Christmas time. I hate holidays personally. I was actually trying to figure out a way I could work but just on the holidays so I could skip them. Too bad it doesn't work that way. Its so awkward living with other people. Day before yesterday my brother in law barged in at 7:30am to our room (we all have to sleep in the same room as that is all the space we get, then we had to stash what little we could keep under the pool table and in corners to try and keep it out of sight) to wake Aaron up on a day he wasn't supposed to work. I think I am going to start sleeping nude on the days when Aaron isn't working, that will cure all of them from barging in. I guess thats one good thing about having horrendous stretch marks :) On the bright side I have lost even more weight and am as skinny as I have been (excluding the near death and wheel chair experiences) due to having a hard time balancing eating and keeping the baby out of everything she is not supposed to be in, as the house is not baby proof. I just hate living with other people. The little interaction I do get normally involves something I am not doing right, or the baby. Its not fun, not at all. I just wish I had a bath tub I could use that I could give her baths in, my hope and prayer is that I get one and some baby proofed space before she gets much bigger; before I lose many more precious baby days not able to live them to their fullest. Oh well, just a little while. I keep trying to tell myself that Aaron will find work that he will want to take. Or that he will find a Masters program and will be able to start in January and it will be far enough away that we will have to move out, or that I might get lucky and he will get a job near my brother, maybe there is hope. I want to think there is, I guess I just don't have enough proof of it yet. There is a three month waiting list for many jobs, and people are telling me it took them six months to get a interview because of the volume of applicants. It seems so sad that so many like me are wasting the prime of their life waiting, not able to do anything but spin their wheels hoping it will get better before long. I just hope that the election does bring positive change and fast. I guess I should stop rambling. This is the only arena in which I can talk, as I had to move away from all of my friends several times for Aaron and he doesn't have allot of time to listen, and it doesn't always come out as coherantly as I would like. But hey, for being as tired as I am this sounds awesome!!! Think of how witty and charming this blog will be once I have space to be creative again, sleep, a proper diet, friends, and a reduced stress level! I will be rocking! I almost took this blog down honestly because I am not in a space where I can be creative, but I then re-affirmed that my purpose with this blog is too be real and once I am witty and awesome I want my readers to be able to look back and see this imperfection and be able to relate and become inspired themselves or find comfort that even when life sucks butt that once its better our true selves can and will shine through.
No progress on what I am going to do job wise. I feel I can't make one until I know what Aaron's schedule is going to be or what he is going to do for work or school, as I won't put Ellowyn in daycare and have her just get used to it only to have to move because he decided too. I would if I could count on family to sit for us, but I don't feel I can as I have been late too work too many times in the past using family to baby sit. So, I sit. Its kinda funny how life works, normally the decisions I stress about end up being made for me as in this one. I tried to get Aaron to think about what he wants to do, but he is working full time this week and then comes home and tries to work on his thesis . I get sick hearing my Mother in law talk to the baby about Christmas and how exciting it will be to have Ellowyn living here around Christmas time. I hate holidays personally. I was actually trying to figure out a way I could work but just on the holidays so I could skip them. Too bad it doesn't work that way. Its so awkward living with other people. Day before yesterday my brother in law barged in at 7:30am to our room (we all have to sleep in the same room as that is all the space we get, then we had to stash what little we could keep under the pool table and in corners to try and keep it out of sight) to wake Aaron up on a day he wasn't supposed to work. I think I am going to start sleeping nude on the days when Aaron isn't working, that will cure all of them from barging in. I guess thats one good thing about having horrendous stretch marks :) On the bright side I have lost even more weight and am as skinny as I have been (excluding the near death and wheel chair experiences) due to having a hard time balancing eating and keeping the baby out of everything she is not supposed to be in, as the house is not baby proof. I just hate living with other people. The little interaction I do get normally involves something I am not doing right, or the baby. Its not fun, not at all. I just wish I had a bath tub I could use that I could give her baths in, my hope and prayer is that I get one and some baby proofed space before she gets much bigger; before I lose many more precious baby days not able to live them to their fullest. Oh well, just a little while. I keep trying to tell myself that Aaron will find work that he will want to take. Or that he will find a Masters program and will be able to start in January and it will be far enough away that we will have to move out, or that I might get lucky and he will get a job near my brother, maybe there is hope. I want to think there is, I guess I just don't have enough proof of it yet. There is a three month waiting list for many jobs, and people are telling me it took them six months to get a interview because of the volume of applicants. It seems so sad that so many like me are wasting the prime of their life waiting, not able to do anything but spin their wheels hoping it will get better before long. I just hope that the election does bring positive change and fast. I guess I should stop rambling. This is the only arena in which I can talk, as I had to move away from all of my friends several times for Aaron and he doesn't have allot of time to listen, and it doesn't always come out as coherantly as I would like. But hey, for being as tired as I am this sounds awesome!!! Think of how witty and charming this blog will be once I have space to be creative again, sleep, a proper diet, friends, and a reduced stress level! I will be rocking! I almost took this blog down honestly because I am not in a space where I can be creative, but I then re-affirmed that my purpose with this blog is too be real and once I am witty and awesome I want my readers to be able to look back and see this imperfection and be able to relate and become inspired themselves or find comfort that even when life sucks butt that once its better our true selves can and will shine through.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I had a epiphany today. It came after a good converstaion with a nice tow truck driver. I am not insane, or am I selfish nor any of the things I judge myself to be. I am actually a perfectly normal person who is trying their best to survive the tale end of one of the worst economic climates in this countries history. He is a tow truck driver, lives in a trailer park for lack of being able to afford better and felt bad for me for my situation. Its kind of like when I had to borrow money from a service missionary last week for diapers (locked out of my car which had my purse and had to have them), kinda makes you realize things. He felt bad that I had to live in my in-laws basement, said no one should have to do that. Now he said this after he had seen their house, which is a very nice house. Here I have been thinking I shouldn't be having such a hard time of it because they are feeding us and Aaron gets work sometimes at a local shop, but I realize that its ok to not be completely happy. For those of us who have to spend our youths barely making it and struggling, living with and off of people because we or our spouses can't find work - its ok to scream about it inside and wish for better. Its ok to not be ok with it. I have always tried to make the best of things, but I think that part of me has been broken lately. I guess life has that effect sometimes, it breaks us and gives us new perspectives as we try to put ourselves back together. Sighs, Aaron had to ask his Dad if it was ok if we fixed our car, seriously I have previous to this lived on my own since I was just a adult, worked two jobs while I went to school, got hit by a car and still worked through the pain to support myself, and now I have to get permission from someone else to fix my car. I just hope on this eve of election that the right people get elected to change this, I don't want this to continue through to my daughters generation. I don't wish this sense of helplessness on anyone.
I don't even know what to say or do. My dear daughter had a hard enough time with the change of moving here, do I dare strike out and get a job and bring more change upon her dear soul just to change it again when I start school in January? I know I could get holiday help work. I don't know because it would just be bailing out a sinking ship. It wouldn't improve her life greatly, sure we'd have a easier time buying diapers but we would still get them, it wouldn't give us the ability to get out and get a place of our own, wouldn't give us the ability to go anywhere. Its a hard decision. He is at work on his thesis and can't work full time, though he does work when they need him, he doesn't make much. I wouldn't make much either. Is this what it has come too? Both parents working with the child in day care and still not able to afford rent, groceries, or utilities and still living in someones basement because they won't get enough hours. Its a sad sad world.
I think after my contemplation that I just need to make a decision about funeral sciences and try for a internship if I am going to make it a go. They always get swamped around the holidays I hear because of the increase in car accidents, and so I am sure I would be able to get some work there and be able to progress towards degree and eventual career as a mortician. Maybe that is the answer. I would feel better about leaving her if it was for a good cause and would better her future indefinitely and truly bring good change to her life. Its hard for me to come out of my little shell of being a stay at home Mom. I have worked, but from home for Elly's entire life. I did have to take appointments outside of the home for when I worked insurance, but I was close to my brother then and he was able to help with her when I had to work. I went nuts being at home at first after he left and I had to stop working, but I have grown to love it. It feels like a warm comfortable familiar place full of unconditional love from my toddler, and lots of laughter and snuggles. I don't want to leave that place. I don't know what to do.
I don't even know what to say or do. My dear daughter had a hard enough time with the change of moving here, do I dare strike out and get a job and bring more change upon her dear soul just to change it again when I start school in January? I know I could get holiday help work. I don't know because it would just be bailing out a sinking ship. It wouldn't improve her life greatly, sure we'd have a easier time buying diapers but we would still get them, it wouldn't give us the ability to get out and get a place of our own, wouldn't give us the ability to go anywhere. Its a hard decision. He is at work on his thesis and can't work full time, though he does work when they need him, he doesn't make much. I wouldn't make much either. Is this what it has come too? Both parents working with the child in day care and still not able to afford rent, groceries, or utilities and still living in someones basement because they won't get enough hours. Its a sad sad world.
I think after my contemplation that I just need to make a decision about funeral sciences and try for a internship if I am going to make it a go. They always get swamped around the holidays I hear because of the increase in car accidents, and so I am sure I would be able to get some work there and be able to progress towards degree and eventual career as a mortician. Maybe that is the answer. I would feel better about leaving her if it was for a good cause and would better her future indefinitely and truly bring good change to her life. Its hard for me to come out of my little shell of being a stay at home Mom. I have worked, but from home for Elly's entire life. I did have to take appointments outside of the home for when I worked insurance, but I was close to my brother then and he was able to help with her when I had to work. I went nuts being at home at first after he left and I had to stop working, but I have grown to love it. It feels like a warm comfortable familiar place full of unconditional love from my toddler, and lots of laughter and snuggles. I don't want to leave that place. I don't know what to do.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Whats in a title, would not a post by any name still be a post?
Sighs. What a day. Honestly I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to make little ones outfit. I guess I just wasn't betting on this being her worst week for temperament of her entire life because she is bored of it here. I can't blame the darling, wanting to learn and wanting constant stimulation of conversation and being tired of her toys. I was the same way but I had siblings to terrorize while she only has me to test things out on. Thankfully I did have help from my wonderful church, I had too have ladies come over twice to take her off my hands for a couple of hours but due to her fits of being around new people I still only managed a few items. I will prevail!!! I have spent too much time for my quest to be in vain!!!!! I just have to attached the wings and finish the decorations (and get my car fixed and keep up with her all before tomorrow at four pm.....).
Today has left me thinking about religon. I went out to help some friends teach someone they met who is atheist but wanted to know about religon (for curiosities sake not because he had a spark of belief). I found it quite refreshing to be around a person who was honestly seeking to know about the beliefs of others. I am just so glad that I have a firm belief myself and have already taken the time to learn of other religions and come to a sound understanding and belief in my own. I find religion facisnating. Theology is especially one of my favorite subjects. Lucky me I have a friend in school to become a pastor and he keeps recommending books, can't wait to read them. I haven't read a good book in so long (can't be satisified by the popular titles as they aren't deep enough for me). Maybe one of these days I will finish unpacking and will have the time and money to get my hands on some good literature and be able to read during nap time. Sadly by the time we are done moving and have extra money she will probably have already grown out of her naps. Ah well, one of these days.
I had a really interesting dream the other night thinking of religion. In my dream it was next year and the earth quake that signals the opening of the seventh seal in the Book of Revelations (the one that shakes the entire earth where it reals too and fro like a drunken man) had happened. In the dream I am closing this stain glass cover and pressing start and looking out at the rolls of earth with debre in the crevess. I was working as a mortician. I had found someone to apprentice under part time and he had taught me everything, and so I was well versed in embalming and burial. I was in his mortuary running a machine he had built that washed and dried the body for you. I had the knowledge in the dream that I was working somewhere not far from my inlaws but close to where my parents where and I was burying the bodies. I went out and spoke with a group of survivors that had banded near by (there where not many survivors - like maybe a few hundred in the area that had held tens of thousands). They thought I was stupid for wasting my time trying to id the bodies and burying them, I said that the way we treat our dead says allot about a people and left. They where talking about trying to find another survivors colony further south and where hoping there would be more food and someone who knew how to live off the land. I suggested we just live off of the land here, and they just laughed at me. I generally seemed to regard them as childish, scared, and in such mourning over there loved ones that they wanted to move on. I went back with the intent to dig another shallow grave and deposit the body with what market I could - namley where outside I found them and when and a general discription of features. Most of the people that died where burried in the rekage. I was just burrying those that had tried to get outside and didn't make it. I was perfectly happy with my post and life. I didn't miss society and didn't lose my child, husband, or dog. The basement of my inlaws had survived in part and us in it. We had enough food from what we could pull out of the desemated houses around us and otherwise find strewn in the debree. Aaron was at home playing with Ellowyn and I was cleaning up the landscape of the bodies so as to have a healthy place to live. Most of the houses where buried in the rolls of earth, and I would be done with the bodies before long. I had it in my mind to go to the library which hadn't been buried and find some books about living off of the land and while I figured it out head over the major shopping center a few miles away and find what might be left of the grocery stores and eat whatever I found. After this contemplation while preparing the body I went and spoke with my brothers and asked about dinner the night before - which was the first night after the quake. They where grinning about the meat they had found and living it Davy Crockett style, and promised to teach me how to skin and cook a animal so I could enjoy hunting what was left for supplemental food. We where talking about figuring out a way to get a refrigorator running or otherwise preserving the meat through the summer. We figured our state was pretty good to live in because we had four seasons which would help with the farming and all, wouldn't want to live in a desert with no way to get ice but then again we also thought maybe it would be better to move a bit further south just so the winter wasn't so severe, but winter was so far away we weren't going to worry about that - especially with the shelter I had that was easily completable and easy to insulate and keep warm with a fire. We laughed about just throwing the leftover meat outside since there are no predetors in the area. People thought we where nuts for being so ok with everything, but we figured you couldn't change what happened, couldn't change that we had survived, believe in a life after death for all the ones who hadn't made it, and the warning was right in the bible. They gave me a rifle and I started to head home looking at the mortuary and grateful for the man who taught me the skill before the tragedy took his life. It was so vivid and real. When I woke up to a complete basement and Aaron off to work it took me back a little. I hadn't thought about the earthquake in awhile. I used to be scared to death as a kid of it because my Dad thought that we where somewhere between the sixth and seventh seal, in the 30year gap that ge saw as not accounted for in the scriptures (before Christ and after death - nothing to account for the life inbetween), and figured that it could come at anytime. The older I got the more I realized it didn't matter and eventually all but forgot about it. What a weird dream. Between that and the tsunami in Indonesia it really made me realize how insignificant so many things are in the long run. Really makes you think about whats most important. In my opinion what is most important is: being comfortable with yourself and set in your beliefs, living a good life, enjoying your time in this life, and loving your children as much as possible to make every day of theirs blessed. Short and simple.
For anyone who reads this my request is that you structure your life so that if you where to die tomorrow you would have no serious regrets about how you lived it.
Today has left me thinking about religon. I went out to help some friends teach someone they met who is atheist but wanted to know about religon (for curiosities sake not because he had a spark of belief). I found it quite refreshing to be around a person who was honestly seeking to know about the beliefs of others. I am just so glad that I have a firm belief myself and have already taken the time to learn of other religions and come to a sound understanding and belief in my own. I find religion facisnating. Theology is especially one of my favorite subjects. Lucky me I have a friend in school to become a pastor and he keeps recommending books, can't wait to read them. I haven't read a good book in so long (can't be satisified by the popular titles as they aren't deep enough for me). Maybe one of these days I will finish unpacking and will have the time and money to get my hands on some good literature and be able to read during nap time. Sadly by the time we are done moving and have extra money she will probably have already grown out of her naps. Ah well, one of these days.
I had a really interesting dream the other night thinking of religion. In my dream it was next year and the earth quake that signals the opening of the seventh seal in the Book of Revelations (the one that shakes the entire earth where it reals too and fro like a drunken man) had happened. In the dream I am closing this stain glass cover and pressing start and looking out at the rolls of earth with debre in the crevess. I was working as a mortician. I had found someone to apprentice under part time and he had taught me everything, and so I was well versed in embalming and burial. I was in his mortuary running a machine he had built that washed and dried the body for you. I had the knowledge in the dream that I was working somewhere not far from my inlaws but close to where my parents where and I was burying the bodies. I went out and spoke with a group of survivors that had banded near by (there where not many survivors - like maybe a few hundred in the area that had held tens of thousands). They thought I was stupid for wasting my time trying to id the bodies and burying them, I said that the way we treat our dead says allot about a people and left. They where talking about trying to find another survivors colony further south and where hoping there would be more food and someone who knew how to live off the land. I suggested we just live off of the land here, and they just laughed at me. I generally seemed to regard them as childish, scared, and in such mourning over there loved ones that they wanted to move on. I went back with the intent to dig another shallow grave and deposit the body with what market I could - namley where outside I found them and when and a general discription of features. Most of the people that died where burried in the rekage. I was just burrying those that had tried to get outside and didn't make it. I was perfectly happy with my post and life. I didn't miss society and didn't lose my child, husband, or dog. The basement of my inlaws had survived in part and us in it. We had enough food from what we could pull out of the desemated houses around us and otherwise find strewn in the debree. Aaron was at home playing with Ellowyn and I was cleaning up the landscape of the bodies so as to have a healthy place to live. Most of the houses where buried in the rolls of earth, and I would be done with the bodies before long. I had it in my mind to go to the library which hadn't been buried and find some books about living off of the land and while I figured it out head over the major shopping center a few miles away and find what might be left of the grocery stores and eat whatever I found. After this contemplation while preparing the body I went and spoke with my brothers and asked about dinner the night before - which was the first night after the quake. They where grinning about the meat they had found and living it Davy Crockett style, and promised to teach me how to skin and cook a animal so I could enjoy hunting what was left for supplemental food. We where talking about figuring out a way to get a refrigorator running or otherwise preserving the meat through the summer. We figured our state was pretty good to live in because we had four seasons which would help with the farming and all, wouldn't want to live in a desert with no way to get ice but then again we also thought maybe it would be better to move a bit further south just so the winter wasn't so severe, but winter was so far away we weren't going to worry about that - especially with the shelter I had that was easily completable and easy to insulate and keep warm with a fire. We laughed about just throwing the leftover meat outside since there are no predetors in the area. People thought we where nuts for being so ok with everything, but we figured you couldn't change what happened, couldn't change that we had survived, believe in a life after death for all the ones who hadn't made it, and the warning was right in the bible. They gave me a rifle and I started to head home looking at the mortuary and grateful for the man who taught me the skill before the tragedy took his life. It was so vivid and real. When I woke up to a complete basement and Aaron off to work it took me back a little. I hadn't thought about the earthquake in awhile. I used to be scared to death as a kid of it because my Dad thought that we where somewhere between the sixth and seventh seal, in the 30year gap that ge saw as not accounted for in the scriptures (before Christ and after death - nothing to account for the life inbetween), and figured that it could come at anytime. The older I got the more I realized it didn't matter and eventually all but forgot about it. What a weird dream. Between that and the tsunami in Indonesia it really made me realize how insignificant so many things are in the long run. Really makes you think about whats most important. In my opinion what is most important is: being comfortable with yourself and set in your beliefs, living a good life, enjoying your time in this life, and loving your children as much as possible to make every day of theirs blessed. Short and simple.
For anyone who reads this my request is that you structure your life so that if you where to die tomorrow you would have no serious regrets about how you lived it.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
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