Thankfully Ellowyn went down very easily, she ate while trying to put on her shoe (her latest endeavor of co-ordination now that she mastered unscrewing the doorknobs of the china cabinets - did I mention she is only 14months old?), and then wanted to nurse and fell asleep pretty much right away.

So, back to what I was saying about obsessions. I feel enriched by having something I am driven to do. I would normally gain a skill or better one I already have (playing the piano, making new clothes out of old ones, or learning the violin), but those require money. I don't have a piano, can't afford to fix my violin or get lessons, and can't afford a sewing machine. So instead I try and learn something. I feel very good about how to raise a family now that I am through the first season of 17 and counting, so that obsession has died down especially with my tv time being limited. So, designing my future house is something I feel is useful, exciting, and the fact that it will help us when we build it is pretty awesome. Once I have the design down more I am going to learn more about how to actually build them, figure out where to get the discounted materials (besides habitat for humanity stores), price it out, and then build a time-line for project completion based off of a estimate of Aaron's salary once he gets work. This became much more exciting after I found out that he got a interview!!!!!! So, as you can see its a good application of my brain and skills I wouldn't use otherwise if I didn't plan and re-plan life and learn about whatever strikes my fancy. This has saved me allot of money as it is how I learned to make soap, found out about community supported agriculture (csa), found a good csa to subscribe too, found the best tools for finding Aaron a job, found out how to remake clothes from goodwill to look like new, narrowed down my degree options, found a school that I could take classes for said degree options online, figured out how to pay for said school, and many many more things. I wonder if Aaron spent more time like I do and less time gaming if we would turn into this amazing super efficient unstoppable couple, or if we would be so nuts that we would drive each other over the brink of insanity. Probably brink of insanity.

Other good news, I finally got a number for a funeral director who is willing to talk to me! I am anxious and nervous as its his cell phone and he sounds really happy to answer all of my questions. I keep telling myself that I can do this! I haven't been able to go to school for a long time and last time I was there I had to drop out of two semesters in a row due to health, so its a big thing to go back. I think I have picked the right field though, to becoming a mortician. Ultimately only time will tell though.

Ah, today I have fully realized my new obsession. Aaron thinks I am crazy for having obessions, and I think he is crazy to think that I can go through life without them. Really if I don't have something to apply my mind to it is going to become mush. I am a natural Mom, totally connect with my daughter and she is coming up on milestones earlier then normal so no need to read up there, so what else am I going to do with my brain? So, these little obessions give me something to plug into, think about, analyze, and hopefully benefit from :) So, my latest obession is the small house movement, as you may have guessed from last night :) Totally in love with the idea of being able to design my own home, twice! That and being able to keep the little one as a in-laws cabin will be great for both me and the in-laws when they come to visit to see the babies. I like babies I have decided, fully used to the no sleep and want as many as I can afford and handle health wise, so if I can get my back fixed and make it rich watch out world! I figure it only helps with any future world domination plans, j/k.
More later, little one needs to go to bed. I thought I had more time, but then again I didn't look at the clock before I sat to write. I am just finishing up the last few minutes of reprieve that my Mother in law offered by taking the baby. These breaks are few and far in-between, so I definitely lived it up! Lol, with being a tired Mom (we all have colds, yuck) that meant actually getting to watch tv and use the computer un-interupted.

Today is a day of many headaches, literally and figuratively. As soon as we got up we had people come over. I didn't bother hiding that it was 11am and we where just having breakfast, the headache there came from Ellowyn. She has decided that she needed to act like she was on a sugar rush all day and constantly run to get into things. She has started to thrive on negative attention me thinks, me thinks it is because of that stooopidddd!!!! Christmas tree. Again, in case you didn't catch it I am not a fan of the holidays. They put plastic ornaments on her level, but they get on her case for taking them off, or turning off the tv, or eating the dogs food, and allot of other things. So, all during my visit of new peoples I had just met at church yesterday (lovely people, really enjoyable) Ellowyn decided to try for negative attention. It continued all day, which resulted in a real headache (probably from lack of food, hard to eat and keep up with her), which headache worsened when I fell down the stairs with her when I was taking her to bed. Can't sleep now, lucky for you this means I have had more time to look up stuff and actually might have something interesting to say!

So, as you now by now my new obsession is with Netflix and the tv show 17 and Counting of the Duggard family. I went onto their website and found that they pay for everything with cash, including they built there 9,000sq ft house with cash. This really intrigued me when I saw Jim Bob (love the name) asking how people could live with debt because they will pay 10-15% more then he will. I always knew that was true but never really thought about it because we always here that a mortgage is "good debt". It only took me a second to realize how rediculous this sounds, really its "good" to owe someone money and have to pay interest on it plus loan origination fee's plus house inspection fees plus fees and more and more fees to get a mortgage. I started thinking about it and realized that this nation wasn't built and didn't become prosperous off of borrowing money to do things and then expecting that thing to be sucessful, this is a relatively new phenonemon in this nation and since it became widespread our economy has slowly been tanking. How much better would this nation be if it had never taken on debt? Where did this come from? I think it probably was around ww2 when everyone was coming home from war at the same time and had jobs but needed housing, and probably spread into other facets of life as it became easier and easier to owe money. Our parents became spoiled (I am in my 20's), and now we are paying for it and our children will be as well. So, how would one do it exactly? I don't exactly know, I am still figuring all the details out but I found a few that are the beginning of my road map to not ever taking out a loan. Micro houses are a new trend, makes sense. People used to build log cabins on land they bought and live in those until they could afford a real house unless they inherited one (referencing little house on the prairie and other historic novels that where popular when I was a child). One can build a cabin, or cottage for $10-30k. Its small but extremely energy efficient.

So, my plan:
I am going to continue making my own soaps and shopping at Trader Joes so I can eat and live cheaply. Cell phone is turning off on the 13th. Car insurance is going down in coverage and we will just be extremely cautious drivers. Clothing (except pants) will continue to come from the thrift store and be remade to look new (I sew and like to create). When Aaron gets a job we will move close to work to cut on gas and get a cheep but not hole in the wall apartment for a year. We will save money and start looking for property in the area for cheap, hopefully find some foreclosed property or someone looking to sell off extra land. We will then start to build by hand with the help of brothers as we can get it, a micro house style cottage. I figure all in all by designing it to fit my needs and whims we will be able to cut the kitchen down to nill and make the bathroom mostly shower/tub with a toilet and sink squished in. This will leave the rest for a huge living area with the upstairs being a loft bedrooms set up with three rooms (walls in-between I need privacy). If I build the clothing cubbord with a place to hang nice clothes into the walls, that leaves only needing a bed in the room and a small shelf for a night stand type thing with space for the shoes underneath. I think I could make it feel pretty roomy doing this and end up with 600-800 sq ft but have it feel much bigger thanks to not wasting space. I will have to do research on how to make it energy efficient and make the electricity work without being on the grid, but people are doing it so I know it can be done. This was by the end of our lease that first year we should have our own house to stay in that won't cost really anything utility wise because we will be off the grid, or using very little from it if we decide to be on it. Then we can just save save save save until we have enough to build a house. This will eliminate all the extra utilties and expenses that come with renting (it is always cheaper to buy vrs rent), and all the fee's and interest that comes with buying a house. Also if everything goes kaput and we end up jobless again we will not have to move back in with the inlaws because we will be able to garden more and use our house savings to live off of until we find work again. This feels amazing just writing about it. Thinking about not ever having the stress of not being able to make rent or a house payment, of always having a place to live unless there is a natural disaster, and being able to have money in the bank instead of living paycheck to paycheck. I watched my parents live paycheck to paycheck and now they can't sell there house. Seriously though who would buy it? Thats the problem with houses they get old and then no one wants them so they just build somewhere else, and take up more forest which hurts the ecosystem even more. Seriously where are we going to be able to hunt or go to breath if this keeps up!? I love taking walks in the woods, but the farms destroyed most of what Michigan had and now the farms are being turned into housing complexes and the old houses sit vacant or with residents will be vacating within the next 10years except for the select few that will be kept as historical houses. Really!? I am so glad that so many people now are seeing the foolishness in this and looking towards more sustainable options. I think we should all look into them really. I would much rather have a new little cottage and then be able to build a nice new house then to spend my hard earned dollars on a old house that is just getting older while I try to pay the fee's and interest I agreed to so I could have it. Sounds much better.
Moving on down my plan I would hope that by living frugally until we are comfortable with our savings and we have a plan that will for sure make it so we can retire and help our children that we will then be able to get the nice things that we would have not paid attention too during this process. I wouldn't plan to go completely without. Once we have our little house I would hope that we would have enough work to provide our needs and extra so we could save but also vacation and have a few extra's here and there. Every retiree I have spoke to lately have all said that by the time they retired they where too and achy to enjoy the vacations and experiences they thought they would have in retirement. So, logic dictates to enjoy life now by taking what experiences and vacations one can, so as to not leave anything to chance and be able to truly say that I lived life to its fullest. This way if it works out that I can travel after I retire, well good for me I will have had double the vacations I would have gotten if I would have just waited until then :-) Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, don't remember who its from but they said that they wanted to show up to the pearly gates of heaven with tires squealing and rubber burning in there convertible to step out covered in little children smudges from playing with grandchildren and helping little ones with lunch, hair a mess, and screaming "wooohooo what a ride!"

Sadly today a true tragedy occurred. You see after having a bad headache and bloating due to finding out the hard way that Digorno pizza's have too much sodium in them for my taste I went to find true comfort in a home made chocolate milkshake - my one true comfort in times like this. After getting all the ice cream scooped out and my heart and mind set on this wonderful treat, I couldn't find the chocolate sauce. I searched high and low, and then even lower.....it was in the trash can. No Aaron didn't play some cruel joke and put it there. It was Ellowyn. I know like how can a one year old get into the fridge, well this is where it becomes partially my fault. When I need to pee in peace or am worried that someone is going to come downstairs while I am peeing with the bathroom door open, or am otherwise needing a moment to finish something I let Ellowyn have a extra moment of playing in the refrigerator while I quickly finish my business. Well, one of those times I thought I might have heard a plop into the trash can and quickly dismissed it for footsteps upstairs, sadly here ended the short life of my chocolate sauce. This wasn't just any chocolate sauce it was the Trader Joe's Organic Midnight Moo, the best tasting closest to real sauce I have ever tasted due to just being chocolate sugar and cream. Sighs. Aaron got on my case for considering it a tragety when real people die every day and sometimes in mass. I just had to point out that I have no emotional connection to these people and I do have emotional connection to my chocolate sauce due to my longing for it, and therefore I didn't see his point. Shallow? I think not, you see I used to care and be sad when bad things happened and I saw it on the news, but then it started taking up way to much energy and causing me to have this constant dismal view of the world due to all the bad that happens. So, now I just say - too bad it sucks to be you - or me whoever the real tragety is happening too (yes I have also said that about personal losses), and now save my emotions for controllable losses like chocolate sauce (its always easy to get back and never turns its back on you). Life is soo much easier this way. Laugh if you must, I find it true.

Other then that today was a pretty good day. Met some cool people at church and had Ellowyn take herself off my hands playing with the people and children at church. Then we finished out the evening with a epic movie - Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. For Christmas I will have to rent that from the library and inform Aaron that his present to me - if he so chooses to give it - is the time to read the book. As of now I have no such time. Keeping this place spotless with Ellowyn running around like crazy takes all the time that I have. I think that might actually be the best Christmas gift I have gotten.

Sighs. Thanksgiving. I actually had a few things to be grateful for. We spend all of Wednesday at Aaron's friends house. This friend has a awesome girlfriend with a great little six year old and some of the best parents I have ever met. It was like a breath of fresh air to just be able to hang out, eat a good meal without having to chase Ellowyn, and get honest candid advice from an older couple who I could tell really cared about us. Ellowyn also loved having so much attention, and Paula read her stories, and Noah (the other kid) to watch and follow. It was so lovely. Then we got home and the stress of the holidays hit, I mean seriously give me a break! So I hid in the basement for the rest of the night watching Astro Boy (great movie). Thanksgiving itself was pretty depressing. We spend Friday night at the same friends house. Aaron went to the lan Halo Reach party in the basement and I blissfully settled into watching happy feet while Elllowyn wandered about, played with the tupper ware, chased the cats, played with the cats with Paula (the mom), was read stories by Paula, and played with by John (the Dad). It was soooo nice, no stress total chilaxing. If only I could come up with reasons to go over there often, sadly the friend goes back to school today. As it is I am grateful for the break.

I do have a new fasination though. We got Netflix working on the wii and found that Ellowyn will not let me watch more then a few minutes at a time, so watching movies on it was out (astro boy ended up being a constant battle of keeping her entertained). So, of nessesity I had to find a tv show to watch. I ended up deciding upon 17 and counting, the first season of the Duggard family show. I am totally hooked. For being someone who is against the reality tv craze I am humbled to say that I am honestly grateful for this show. I do not have a great example to follow, and so to be able to see a good family who did homeschooling the right way with good values and peace and harmony and how they live there lives is really wonderful. I just hope Netflix has 7th Heaven, because for some reason watching shows about good family makes me happy. Its like a drug, something to make me feel better and tell me that I too can have a happy family and give me some pointers to help. Its like this big banner that says "you too can have a good family - even if yours had problems". Its funny because I didn't even know how much I needed this until after I started watching it. Its funny how sometimes you don't even know what is stressing you out entirely until you find solutions. I was able to be so much happier and carefree with Ellowyn and she totally loved it, I guess I just needed that hope. That hope that says that everything can work out and that little glimpse of what life can be like when lived properly.

One last little note about going cell phone less. Verizon wouldn't let me shut mine off before the beginning of the next billing cycle. So, it shuts off on the 13th of December. I don't think I will miss it. I already have pretty much stopped using it and don't even know where it is half of the time.

Just a quick post. I am stealing time away from getting ready to go see friends we never get to see, well Aaron's friend. The holidays will do that too you, biggest time sucking waste of time. Sorry, guess I should have warned you first that I really don't like the holidays.

Just a few intestesting stories. First I had a nice success Monday. Went shopping and found a pair of pants that fit perfectly, the best part - they are a size 4! woot woot! Now if only this wasn't achieved due to large amounts of stress, which leads to not eating, and a one year old to chase after. :/ Bitter sweet.

I have been having weird dreams lately. Night before last I was in a different reality and ended up starting to go after a Chinese guy that looked just like Aaron after my fiance cheated on me with my best friend and I caught them. Kinda wonder if life would have been like that if I had gone to a university like I did in the dream. Last night I kept on getting stuck in airports but never being able to get to my plane while Aaron keep leaving me behind because I couldn't get there. This is my restless soul dream, totally makes me crave flying. Wish to heaven that the airlines weren't so corrupt and that I would have been paid enough as a flight attendant to survive so I could have kept that job. I would have had a nice line by now (line = guaranteed schedule). Makes me miss flying terribly. I actually started thinking about trying to find someone to sponsor me taking lessons in exchange for a contract, or a scholarship for a minority (not many females pilots), so I can fly freight like I dreamed I would for many many years. Who knows, maybe it will happen someday. If only the price of gas wasn't so high, then I would be able to afford to pay for that part of the lessons (which fasfa doesn't cover). I just need to meet the right people.

Writing last not was just not going to happen. Lets just say that my day came to a close with Ellowyn showing us that she wasn't feeling well.

I spent a good deal of time yesterday trying to come up with a way to effectively deal with the two face people in life, as I am especially irritated that I have to deal with one regularly. I thought of all the possibilities morally just and otherwise as I wasn't plotting as much as I was trying to figure out what would truly make the most miserable in exchange for them trying to make others miserable and having amazingly huge egos. I realized after much thought that the best way to deal with them is simply following the golden rule which has been around for centuries. When I explained why to the missionaries who came over last night they where like "what do you know God was right, who would have thought", lol. Really though think about it. Two facers are completely bent on manipulating and getting there way, they think they are above everyone else and if they are manipulated in anyway they just either blame it on a life circumstance (like I would have saw that coming if:___) or take it as a challenge to try even harder to manipulate to prove their superiority. I find them to be some of the most despicable people on the planet as they are neither bad no good but both at different times and always try to paint themselves as good even though mostly they are not. So, why then is the golden rule the best way? Because no manipulator see's themselves as truly bad, just making the world a better place by controlling it to what they see as best, and asserting themselves in every way as alpha. So, by ignoring their tricks and just being the best person one can be when they are around not only can they not manipulate you and you end up being a weird constant that will drive them insane by not being controlable, but you will also be shining this great big light of goodness that will be such a contrast to the darkness a two facer brings that they will have to see (even if they refuse to acknowledge it) for at least a moment how dark they are, then they will have that short thought about being bad, and if they have those thoughts enough it will start to unravel them. For instance I know one that constantly complains about dinner and the house being out of order, and then tries to plant thoughts in peoples heads that I am crazy while hunnying up to me to make me think he is my best friend. So, I avoid him so he can't get any thoughts that he is close to me and knows I am on to his game. I always compliment on dinner, thanks and speak out every time he criticizes - for two reasons so he looks like a butt and has to see that he does to everyone else too, and even if that fails and he thinks he can paint me as a kiss up then he still will have lost control of the mood of the table. I keep the house to my order and am constantly loving and cheerful enough to the other residents that he gains no win in getting his order and his trying to paint me as a crazy loses its hold as I will be acting in a constant caring manor to everyone. This way he loses control while I do not lose any credibility and have no bad karma coming to bite me later. I really strongly dislike this specific individual but in the end he will not change his ways, and this way he has to realize that he isn't good - even if for a moment and that will be able to haunt him during his low moments for the rest of his life, and that is better then any act of outward hate (like putting dog food in his car wet so it smells like dog, or laxatives in his food). As much fun as it might have been to mess with him in other ways, I would rather haunt him for the rest of his life. You may think this is a horribly synical reason to follow the golden rule and do unto others as I want done to myself - but it has a positive side effect in that it will bring light to a very bad situation. Don't worry I will pray for him too. I don't want anyone to live the miserable lonely life he is setting himself up for and would rather that he change, and so I will do my best to help him change :)

As for today its just been a day of taking care of a sick child and finishing moving in. By the time I am done there won't be a thing out of place, thankfully, and I will finally have the spotless kind of place that looks slightly lived in that I like to have. After a day like today (both Ellowyn and Aaron being extremely grumpy, feeling under the weather myself but still having to clean thanks to fricken thanksgiving - dislike holidays), I definitely deserve every calorie of the humongous brownie ice cream sundae I am about to go make. The best legal high ever is a sugar buzz after all :)