I ended up seriously contemplating the reasons I don't mind and almost enjoy my dreams where society ends. I think I do enjoy them. I have honestly ruled that it is because I feel like its just fact, the bible and many other holy texts warn of plagues, or earthquakes, floods, and other upheavals. Also it brings the bad stupid people to judgment sooner, and the good people to there reward sooner. This life is so short as it is. Really how many people who are dying that are old tell you that it seems like yesterday they where 20? Pretty much all of them say that life went by so fast. So, if its cut down by a few years then hopefully you lived it too its fullest and are ready for what lies ahead. Many people don't believe in a afterlife, either because there is no fact or that its easier not too. I say whatever floats your boat. I was accused recently that my belief in a afterlife is just to sooth my brain, to make me feel better so I will sleep better at night and don't have to face the fact. My response? Well maybe its working because I am almost 25 and only have 2 gray hairs, and whats so wrong with that? I mean think about it whether its too sooth your mind or because you actually believe in it, it feels right to most people and what harm does it do? None, and most of the time it does a lot of good. So, take the good and tell the stupid haters to go jump off a bridge and find out for themselves :)

The more I think about it the more I realize that it doesn't matter what people think of what you think as long as you feel good in your own soul. If you feel good about your beliefs and have peace in your soul then you are going to be happier, healthier, and have a higher quality of life - and with how short it is you better not be wasting it! I don't mean eat drink and be merry, as I have yet to find a partier that is truly happy, I mean be well. Really think about it "live long and prosper", haven't found a better way to say it. I think that is really the key to have that peace and prosperity and to enjoy it. I would not hear that it takes time to gain prosperity and everyone has different idea's of prosperity. For instance I would be happy in a small cottage (compared to my in-laws house small, probably more average size for normal houses), on a big lot near a city but not in it with enough to travel once or twice a year to see family and to not have to worry about bills. For me that would be prosperity, for Aaron, well that's a whole different story. He wants all that and a house bigger then his parents and as many children as we can handle well. Contrast that with my good friend who just wants someone to share his life with, a place to hunt, and money for toys. I think if we just concentrate on achieving our levels of prosperity and let the rest worry about itself, then how much better off are we?

On that thought, yes I am in a better mood today. No, today hasn't gone any better then yesterday. The difference? I think the main help is vitamin D supplements. Turns out here in the cold north we don't get enough sun during the winter to process vitamen D even if everything we eat is fortified with it, and so if we take vitamin D supplements then we can be happier easier. I myself have noticed a big difference between the days that I take it and the days that I don't.

As for today. This morning I noticed that little ones legs had grown considerably recently, I was afraid she was going to be clumsy and boy was I right. All day long she was falling, or not judging distances right, which led to other things like dropping stuff on her toes or being knocked over by the dogs, falling down the stairs, stumbling, and many other things. Poor dear. Thankfully with a lot more singing and attention from me she was still mostly happy today. I have found that the more I sing the happier she is, which is good because I have been coaxed into singing in a Christmas program on Sunday - their ploy is that the choir sounds absolutely horrible so I will be a breath of fresh air no matter how bad I sound lol.

My phone turns off on Monday, so we will see how that goes. I think it will be fine. I am just going to open up a skype account so I can still talk to my brother, use email for txt'ing, and the home phone for my friend who calls allot. Then if I charge up the tom tom it should all be peachy keen. Both Aaron and I are so relieved at not having that bill, which thanks to verizon, was always bigger then it should be. To have just one guaranteed solid payment a month until we pay off the disconnect fee's will be so nice. I think if I ever do get a phone in the future it sure as heck won't be with verizon, bloodsucking thieves. Every so often they would take some block off my plan and I would end up with heinous charges for something, most months infact it was off and they never would negotiate it down much back to what it should be.

On another note I actually went to a salon to get my hair cut. Not sure what to think about it, I think I am glad I didn't pay for it and never plan on paying for it. It was nice to have someone that is paid to talk to me and be my friend, I mean who doesn't like that, but at the same time I could have done it myself and had it look just about as good and just cost time not the nearly $50 my Mother in law paid. It was nice of her, but she didn't give me a choice, and so I am not sure how I feel about it. I mentioned I wanted her to take the baby so I could have more time to cut it, a couple hours so I got it right as it was my first time using thinning shears, and she asks Aaron if I would rather go to a salon, he comes to me and I say that I am unsure and would rather just do it myself (this was all last night), he relays that back to her (frikin why don't they just talk to me?), and then the next day she comes home at 2:30, tells me I have a appointment at 3:30 at her salon and that its all paid for so I must go. Like really? First of all where is my choice, and secondly shouldn't I have say in the time? Then when I came back and said thank you she just made comments on the cut and went back to what she was doing. Seriously weird. Weird weird weird weird. I think I am just going to chalk it up to experience and call it a night.

I have a moment while little one checks on her downstairs kingdom and is assured that all is well before bed. Seriously she will be falling asleep all over me and the minute we head downstairs she comes alive and starts running around and playing with different things, never for long, very short attention span of course. Aaron had a random phone interview on the fly today for a hospital in NH and another recruiter email. I am starting to think that maybe I did right in all my job searching, and most likely its because his career doesn't have just one title that the recruiters are out in force. I can't just search for a sales job for example, or customer service because a Industrial Engineer with a backround in electronic medical records has so many different jobs they can do and each company makes there own title. Makes it nice for me, after updating his Monster more we should be set.

I had another awesome end of the world dream last night. This time it happened when I was 17. With how cool these dreams end up I wonder if I am just really don't care deep down inside about civilization and human life or if its my deep belief in a better life after this (with this life flying by as fast as it does) showing through. I would like to think the latter. This time a plague killed most of mankind and I caught wind of it before catching it (though I had to watch my friend die from a distance and all my family died) and headed out to the woods gathering supplies as I went. I emerged from the woods 2.5 years later, about 6months after I saw the last army chopper overhead (they where over clean up). Anyways, little one wants to go to bed. Will have to write more later tonight or tomorrow.

Ok, so now that I had my own little pity party earlier (well deserved in my opinion). I decided that its ok that we don't move now. I could hold out a little while longer, as long as it means I get to move someplace warm. Like California, there are allot of jobs for Aaron there, Oregon some there too. I can deal with a little longer if I get some sun. I realized that I would rather spend a few more weeks or months there if it means a few months or years in a warmer climate, which its colder in the places he got offers....yeah, me grew up in Michigan, me done with the climate - check please! I should have put in too go to Hawaii as a flight attendant, totally should have. I would have gotten it, or I could have held out a couple more months living in the basement of O'Hera in Chicago - although I may have ended up in the hospital it would have landed me a spot in AZ. Then again I could have taken that offer to stay with Lee in AZ and not had to work, oh that mansion calls my name sometimes in my dreams way back in the memories. Well, we all make the life decisions we do for a reason. I have had allot of different paths offered to me. I could have been a dr's wife in the navy, I could have lived in AZ in my own mansion with Lee (dashing, good looking, and loaded), I could have lived in my own house and traveled whenever I wanted too with Tom (well off, great personality and good looking), I could have been a flight attendant in Hawaii, or I could have stayed single and kept my apartment in Lansing and been running my own apartment complex by now just finishing my associates degree. What of all these glamorous options did I chose? None, not a one. I chose love when I found my soul mate, threw my lot in with a dirt poor college boy come what may. Its been beautiful but the beauty has mostly lain in the tragedies we have overcome and the strength our love has gained in overcoming them. I just hope that I find beauty in more then the strength and my child soon. Maybe I was right in choosing this path, maybe I was wrong, but one thing is for sure I have lived with no regrets. I have flown the skies, basked in Hawaii, met some of the most amazing people, had my own place, and much more. I came out of it all with a killer resume just waiting to be utilized, a beautiful daughter and a gorgeous husband. Now if I could only live in a warm place, or at lease be warm for most of the time, lol, a bathtub would be nice too.

Yesterday was a busy busy day. We went to a Christmas party that was a hr away. We woke up late so all in all we where gone for like 6hrs, getting home around 5:50pm. I don't even know where the day went. We got home snacked a bit, watched a movie, snuggled, showered, and then it was like midnight and we overshot bedtime by a few hours. Crazy crazy night. I am so tired. Even been so tired that you can't think straight, feel faint, and wonder when you are just going to fall over and cease to function? Well that is how tired I feel. Too bad the housekeeper comes tomorrow, grumble grumble, I have to get the basement looking all perfect before then so she can wipe down the surfaces and vacuum. I would rather vacuum myself and leave the already clean surfaces alone in exchange for being able to keep things comfortably lived in, instead of killing myself to keep it spotless. Sighs. I guess I am just grumpy because upon further research it looks like neither of the job opportunities Aaron has to pursue are good for him. I was so hoping to be out of here. I really got my hopes up too high. Can't help it, its so hard here. No one likes me, everyone thinks I am a slob and I am the only outsider living here. It is lonely and depressing before we get into the fact that we can't sleep because the basement is so damn cold and the air quality so horrible. I run my air filter all day long and it gets better but not great. Ellowyn is still congested with dry skin, and keeps coughing which keeps all of us from sleeping. The poor dear. I remember posting about just wanting a bathtub to bathe her in, now all I want is a healthy environment to raise her in.

Long long day. Due to Aaron and Ellowyn's combined effort I only got 4hrs of sleep last night, well really this morning. Finally got to sleep at 7am and Ellowyn woke up at 11am....yeah. I can't think straight. However good news. Aaron got another letter from a recruiter. This time from Thomson Reuters for a Healthcare Analyst. They have positions in this state and Cambridge MA. Totally nice that he should have some options. Funny how I couldn't find the opening but they found us. I took Ellowyn to a Night In Bethlahem and she was adorable. They had a professional choir sing while we waited for our tour to start, then we saw the shepards and they told their stories, then the wisemen, the inn keeper, and finally Mary and Joseph. This was all done in different rooms as we progressed past each person with a guide and all the state sets and costumes where way well done. The cute part was her making faces at people behind us during the choir show and dancing to the faster songs (people we happened to know from Grand Blanc came and she was excited to have an audience). Then when it came time for the manger she kept trying as hard as she could to get past me to see baby Jesus (a real live newborn, maybe a few months old max). It was too cute. I finally ended up holding her shirt while she kept trying to walk forward slipping on the straw until she was practically moon walking. Everyone thought she was adorable and I was glad when it was time for the cookies and I could let her roam a bit. We headed to Trader Joes after-wards and she was soo happy to show the friends we took how well she could push her little cart. Thank goodness she is cute, I don't know what I would do days like today if she wasn't.

Its off to bed for me. I am trying to get us on a earlier schedule so we make it to Aaron's graduation next Saturday, and maybe I can get enough sleep to be able to think well enough to plan Aaron's surprise.

Another day chasing little one around the house. Literally chasing. She wanted to run and sing all day.

The job search for similar positions for Aaron turned up nothing, not a single thing unless we move to China or India and learn the language. Not happening in time for the job posts, lol. Good news is that he did well in the interview. Aaron was really excited afterward (a relief as he didn't want me to send in the application in the first place, I had to convince him that there would be no travel), he said that it sounded like his dream job at the perfect company and that he seemed like a perfect fit for the job with his experience. Wouldn't doubt it. They probably don't have many people apply that have worked installing there product as a customer. So, on to the test which he will ace and then onto the in face interview in Madison WI. Lol, I spoke to a friend and she is like 'thats sooo cold (the area), but at least you'll have money and be able to afford heat!', too true. I am way excited about the prospect for being able to afford to eat and be warm, especially the be warm part. I hate being cold and I am always cold here, sooo sooo cold.

Cute baby story. Ellowyn got excited when I started singing Old McDonald to her Dora bike that plays the music. So I asked her what a Doggy says (I had tried to get her to say it a few times with no luck, but didn't work too hard on it) and she says "ooof ooof" with soft f's almost couldn't hear them. So I ask "Ellowyn what does a monkey say?" "oooo ooooo" was her response! I clapped and cheered and she got the biggest smile! I tried to show Aaron but he had to coax her to do it, but when her Grandparents came home she lit up right on que and they where so surprised! We managed to get a few meows out of her too! Soooo cute! She was a happy girl today running around, and talking allot and signing allot! I hope to get a memory stick soon for my camera so I can take some videos. She just gets cuter and cuter and cuter.

So, Aaron having a good chance of getting the job led me to a different research topic today. Wedding bands. Yes he has one, no he won't wear it. I bought him a beautiful celtic woven titanium band with the eternity knot in gold inlaid on top. Its too wide and he only wore it for a couple semesters and then it was spotty at best. It made me so mad! He hates the wide band, makes his finger uncomfortable and the water gets under it and gives him a rash. We obviously can't have him only wearing a ring sometimes at a new job. I absolutely loved spending my night looked at jewelry and ring shopping! I am so happy to be able to give him a ring that he will love and is unique. Lucky for me I found the perfect ring, its 2mm wide with a flat band and frosted finish - titanium just like the original. It totally says "Aaron". I can't wait to get it and be able to present him with a ring that he will be able to proudly wear as a symbol of our love. I am going to plan a special way to give it too him, can't just hand it over. I think I will write a poem and maybe get down on one knee. :) It will be so wonderful.

You know with how fast Ellowyn picks up on things I show her, and realizing how many words she recognizes. She must think I am really dumb or slow to keep going over things as much as I do. Today she made a point to tell me she understood something. I don't remember how, I think I was trying to explain how to stir something and saying it over and over and she this offended little look and I thought she was hurt so I let her lean over - she grabs a spatula and makes the motion looking at me like "duh".

Many good things happened today! Finally!!! Aaron turned in his thesis!!!!! YAAAAAYYYY! He also made good progress on his 10 page paper that he has to get finished for a incomplete and should have it done by Friday!!!! YAAAAAAAYYY! This will be the end of Kettering University for us! Woot woot! I really don't like that school, incase you missed my post on why it sucks soooo bad. I couldn't come up with a worse school in this country even if I tried to make one up as far as what its like to go there or live with someone who does.

I spend my day chasing around a sick little baby who would keep moving until she crashed, if she slowed down she would start to have a hard time breathing because she is way congested poor thing. Didn't let me sleep much last night because she kept waking due to having so much stuff running down the back of her throat. So, I don't really have anything interesting to report. She did do something terribly funny though. We tried to put her down for her nap in Aaron's old room upstairs after Aaron cleared a path and the bed (it is now a storage room), and we found some monkeys on the bed, the kind that have velcro on the hands and really long limbs so they can latch on. There was a big one and a baby one. Aaron put the little one on her arm and I told her a monkey had her, she then started making monkey noises! I haven't played with her and a monkey in a while and so I am surprised she recognized the word, it was only for a few days we played with one and it looked way different then what was now on her arm. So, we put the big on around her waist and she starts jumping around (well bouncing she can't jump but it is really close to jumping) the bed making monkey noises. Aaron starts making some really high pitched and funny and she starts mimicking him! She then gets off the bed (with help), and runs out of the room with a monkey attached to her waist (she had to run with wide legs because the monkeys legs/feet where dragging in-between hers) making shrieking monkey noises that would die down into lower ooo ooo ooooos. She then heard Grandma get home and starts going down the stairs (monkey still attached). We take her down and she runs up to her Grandma and starts flirting, all shy and smiling (monkeys still attached), Grandma asks her "Is that a monkey around your waist", Ellowyn just smiles and starts cutely walking away when Aaron made a ooo oo noise. She then starts making oooo ooo monkey noises in the kitchen and proceeds to run out (I stopper her and moved the monkey to her shoulders with the baby attached to the big one this entire time), and runs around the house with her monkey cape making monkey noises. She is a little 2ft 4in blue eyed doll running around making monkey noises with a monkey cape! The world almost stopped spinning due to her cuteness!

Other then that I spent nap time and any time I could get Grandma or Aaron to take her researching the company Aaron is interviewing with (didn't want him to have to switch tracks from his paper or take time from it), the city its in, and any other information that could help him. Trying to get a feel for the city, the culture, the company, cost of living, what their interviews are like, and what the pay is. So far so good! Aaron meets their requirements and has experience working for one of their customers with their software. Hopefully all will go well. Thankfully it gave me a few ideas of where to apply. Tomorrow will be spend finding and applying for jobs at any major computer, software company, hospital software company, and local hospital IT departments. Wish me luck, and send mojo our way! I need out of this basement!!!