Sunday, December 26, 2010

I so wish that there was a way to turn down the brain quickly that doesn't involve chemically induced downers. I am against replacing the oxygen in my blood with alcohol, so that one's out, don't like killing brain cells either, and herbal tea's just take to darn long to make and kick in. I want a off button. I wonder if its something that the mind can be trained too do. I will have to look into it. I am sure some weirdo meditation expert has found a way that may or may not work, but maybe some good meditation expert actually found a way.

I just spend most of my day working on Aaron's thesis. Hours helping him, or cheering him on while trying to help. When I wasn't working on it Ellowyn was running my ragged (already had gotten tired of her Grandparents at that point). She went to bed two hours ago and I just finished two hours of work on finding all the sources for the last write up we have to do. Aaron has been playing WoW for the past three hours. Geez louise! Now I have to go straight to bed because I will already be exhausted trying to get up at 8am after waking up with her throughout the night. She slept great while we where at my brothers, but went to sleeping like crap here. I think I may just have problems with anger a bit. I have gone from wanting to throw my brother in law through a window, to being on the verge of wanting to throw my husband throw a window. If Aaron stays on WoW late again (like last night) and again sleeps in late (like this morning) and again doesn't finish his thesis tomorrow because he had to keep taking breaks (like all freakin day), then I am going to throw him through a window - or at least it will be really really hard not too. Its not his fault entirely. My Mother in law babied him his entire life so he never learned how to push himself, even now he thinks he is pushing himself but its not near what I am doing. I wonder if he ever will have to learn to push himself or if it came to that point if he would give up. Parents have the best way of helping ruin the best people and yet they do it with the best intentions. Funny how life works that way.

I do feel better after writing about it all and posting it on a public site. It would be funny if in the future one of Aaron's family gets into blogging and finds this. I would tell it all to their face but they would get so offended within the first couple of sentences that they wouldn't listen anymore, start screaming, and the whole point would be lost in their anger and they would then only feel more right to be angry. So, I don't waste my breath. I wish there was a mirror in which we could look and see ourselves, what we truly do and the ways we are asses. I would love that mirror because I want to not be a ass and would love to be able to better see how to live to get what I want, and I would love having other people look into it. :) I just keep hoping that the Christan rumor that we will get a re-run in the next life so we can see what we did in this one is true. There would be a few certain people I wouldn't mind seeing right after they watched theirs.

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